Friday, February 10, 2006

REALITY: have u ever met someone so special for whom u r ready 2 redo everythin u did wrong. i have, it feels good 2 find someone who walks into ur life and britens it up wit a smile .it fills ur life wit purpose, a reason 2 live. il tel u wat i did. i met my past again i met da guy who stabbed me into heart frm da back. i didn't kill him, i didn't slap him. i didn't know wat 2 do,
then i thought abt her n my anger melted as if it was insignificant. i went ahead and spoke wit him. he was sweatin, i acted as if nothin happened. it felt wierd, it felt as if i lost somethin every close 2 my heart. did i lose myself in tat moment? i don't know. jus her name was enuf i thought. ma friend was right there wit me, he looked at me as if it was my funeral he didn't expect me 2 do tat. i come home ten tat person who u care 4 more than anythin wants 2 leave u. is tis 4 real? why is tis happenin? there is one thing though wen i go thru shit in ma life lotta good things happen to people around me. its like i attract misery. maybe its a good thing coz these ppl r very close 2 ma heart. tey say tat "its better to love n lose than never to have loved". i don't believe in tis. tis quote is 4 pussys who had no sense of problems in their life 4 someone like me its bullshit. its like if u know there is no light 4 won't crave 4 it but if someone shows u its there jus 2 tease u n take it away it hurts more.i really appreciate one of my friends who doesn't wanna have anythin 2 do wit love he is smart n he is right, if u get someone u love its da greatest thing ever its like heaven but 99% of da times it doesn't work n it hurts like nothin u ever felt in ur life. one thing real is pain n i embrace minds sayin "welcome back loner"

Thursday, February 09, 2006

NICE GUY: i realized somethin recently. it is da fact tat i am a real nice guy. it sucks bein one coz no matter how hard i try not 2 be its like its hard wired in ma system. da problem wit bein a nice guy is tat u bleed wen people ask u 2 but at da end of da day u got no one at ur side wen u r all bled out. its like a piece of sugarcane. everone wants 2 jus squeeze so fuckin hard tat u start bleedin from ur eyes. tey won't leave an ounce of blood tey want it all but drop the rest 4 da maggets 2 relish on. nobody seems 2 even notice coz tey say its normal. some people jus take it 2 da nxt level. in one way da people who leave u 2 die after u have bled out ur soul r much better than da people who skin u out show u dreams so beautiful u thnk u r in heaven ten out of no where u feel da searin pain in ur back n u see a blade stickin out of ur chest after tat tey wil decapitate u n take ur head as a trophy. after all tis tey say hope i didn't hurt u. wat shud i thnk wit da pea sized brain i got. shud i stop bein a good guy, i can't coz i wanna be true 2 myself. shud i stop meetin new ppl now tats a solution. 2 thnk abt it y do i need new ppl i got enuf ppl around. i got responsibilies hangin over my head like a million razor edged swords. the most important thing is i stopped livin 4 myself a long time ago. y shud i start livin 4 myself now. its not rite. it was like i was born dead. i always wanted 2 die so wen i am dead inside y shud i thnk of livin now? its a bad idea real bad.
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