Wednesday, November 11, 2009

THE WHO MAKES YOU WRITE: I have realized something about myself today. I can’t be happy with normal. I can adapt to it but won’t be happy. All these events in the past ten years have made me realize that I was not meant to conform to the lifestyle that is pushed upon us by the media. For that matter anything.

My inner self is not happy with anything around me which even slightly resembles normalcy. That doesn’t mean it’s not good for you. It only emphasizes the fact that if you like them we will never get along, for that matter you won’t even get me no matter how hard you try. Which might be a good thing for both of us. Trying to figure out who we are is a process which takes a long time. When you do you realize that, you have only dug the tip of the iceberg and now you are cold, sinking and afraid to drown in your own self.

Even success seems to be enslaving. I don’t get jealous when someone gets a dream job with a seven figure salary. It’s good for that person who has dreamt of that moment all his life.

What do I want from life? I don’t know. What will make me happy? I don’t know. So what have I learnt from all these experiences. Well, I know what I don’t want.

The mystery to me is, when people dream, why do they always get tangled up with the notion of a good job and lots of money and the urge to settle down in life? Let me try and break this down a little bit.

Firstly, when you are dreaming about the ideal life, why would you ever want to work? My ideal future would be not to work. Just do something that I like and maybe even get paid for it. We are raised to work for others. I wouldn’t call working for someone a dream but a subconscious awareness of what needs to be done to be successful according to the parameters of the society.

Secondly, lots of money. Why lots of money? If money amounts for happiness, I would have always worked towards the perfect bank heist. Money is a like a hot trophy girlfriend with lots of baggage. The sex is good but the next morning you feel like the roles have been reversed and you are stuck with an overwhelming feeling of being screwed. Money is important but it’s not everything. I wouldn’t dream of being the richest man alive. I would hope that I make enough to survive and make enough to keep my passions alive.

Thirdly, settling down in life. I never understood this. The world is a big place even though people claim that it has become smaller. I believe the contrary. People make the world what it is and as the number of people grows so does the world. Every person you meet accounts to a new experience, only if you are open to such poetic notions. Why would you want to settle down and read about events in the newspaper while you can go out there and be a part of it. I want to be a nomad and experience things, than be some guy whishing to grow the balls to get out there and live free.

Breakdown everything and analyze it, then you will realize we are being hollowed out. They just want us to be remnants of absolute freedom that once roamed this earth with its head held high. Nowadays they are going a step further by shoveling in as much as self pity, depression, greed, consumerism and sloth as they possibly can. By the time you cleanse yourself of all these you are fighting to get out of a coffin banging on the door. Trying to tear way the latch with your bear fingers while they ground down to your bones. Wake up from your lousy dream and dream beyond even the possibility of what life has to offer and what death can take away. Dream with your eyes open.

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