Morbid Reflections

THE ONE: All of a sudden I find myself thinking about her. I miss her, a lot. She was the ray of hope I wanted to cling onto so bad. No matter what’s bothering me, just seeing her face would transcend me to a planet so beautiful; it would over shadow even the most beautiful dream that you have ever seen in your life. I can still converse with her anytime I want to. A part of her is imprinted onto my soul.

People have regrets of not having the photograph of the love of their lives, if at all they have loved and lost. I don’t need her photograph. Photos don’t do justice to her. In a photograph you can only see her physical appearance. They don’t tell you o her aura or her souls which I saw and felt. Warm, ever so, comfortable. We had conversations without speaking. Talks, that lasted for hours without even speaking a word. When you find someone who mirrors you in deeds and thoughts, pushing the bounds of imagination and happiness, you live more than ever. You feel immortal, blessed. I could spend a life time looking into her eyes, swimming in her thoughts, drowning my sorrows.

Even her fragrance was intoxicating. I could have my eyes closed and tell you the minute she walked into the room. When I met her for the last time, I somehow knew that I’m never going to meet her again. I kept reminding myself, “Build memories; hold on to every thread of information. I can’t afford to forget her.” So now I remember her face, her beautiful smile, her joy, her sorrow, her touch and smell, everything. I couldn’t be lost in my life as long as I hold on to them. She is mine, my light to guide my way through misery and my friend in my happiness.

When we were kids we would fight a lot and she would come to me and cry. I would feel miserable seeing her like that. I would desperately hold back my tears. Now I wish I had cried.

The spectrums of human emotions are huge. Some people take a lifetime to experience them. I on the other hand, experienced each and every one of them, in rapid succession too. I still feel a little exhausted from that. It felt as if she was opening a different door to heaven every single time I met her. She had all the keys, millions of them hidden in that tiny heart of hers. She was meant to show me what happiness was. I was immersed in so much of it. I’m still high on happiness.

Those ten years I spent with her made my life worth living. I can live another hundred just remembering her. Keeping her memory alive seems to be more important to me than living.

Nobody understood her, sophisticated was her middle name. Being lost in other people’s sorrow her true nature. Suffering pain was an instinct. We would forget everything when together.

She made me what I am today. She made me human, taught me affection and compassion. People have different names for me, even people who claim to have known me for years would associate such adjectives as, “Freak, psychotic, introvert or plain weird” to describe me. But I was normal to her. I wish we could grow old together watch the beauty of the crimson sun over clear waters……..

Love you, miss you forever.