Wednesday, June 04, 2008


THE ONE: All of a sudden I find myself thinking about her. I miss her, a lot. She was the ray of hope I wanted to cling onto so bad. No matter what’s bothering me, just seeing her face would transcend me to a planet so beautiful; it would over shadow even the most beautiful dream that you have ever seen in your life. I can still converse with her anytime I want to. A part of her is imprinted onto my soul.

People have regrets of not having the photograph of the love of their lives, if at all they have loved and lost. I don’t need her photograph. Photos don’t do justice to her. In a photograph you can only see her physical appearance. They don’t tell you o her aura or her souls which I saw and felt. Warm, ever so, comfortable. We had conversations without speaking. Talks, that lasted for hours without even speaking a word. When you find someone who mirrors you in deeds and thoughts, pushing the bounds of imagination and happiness, you live more than ever. You feel immortal, blessed. I could spend a life time looking into her eyes, swimming in her thoughts, drowning my sorrows.

Even her fragrance was intoxicating. I could have my eyes closed and tell you the minute she walked into the room. When I met her for the last time, I somehow knew that I’m never going to meet her again. I kept reminding myself, “Build memories; hold on to every thread of information. I can’t afford to forget her.” So now I remember her face, her beautiful smile, her joy, her sorrow, her touch and smell, everything. I couldn’t be lost in my life as long as I hold on to them. She is mine, my light to guide my way through misery and my friend in my happiness.

When we were kids we would fight a lot and she would come to me and cry. I would feel miserable seeing her like that. I would desperately hold back my tears. Now I wish I had cried.

The spectrums of human emotions are huge. Some people take a lifetime to experience them. I on the other hand, experienced each and every one of them, in rapid succession too. I still feel a little exhausted from that. It felt as if she was opening a different door to heaven every single time I met her. She had all the keys, millions of them hidden in that tiny heart of hers. She was meant to show me what happiness was. I was immersed in so much of it. I’m still high on happiness.

Those ten years I spent with her made my life worth living. I can live another hundred just remembering her. Keeping her memory alive seems to be more important to me than living.

Nobody understood her, sophisticated was her middle name. Being lost in other people’s sorrow her true nature. Suffering pain was an instinct. We would forget everything when together.

She made me what I am today. She made me human, taught me affection and compassion. People have different names for me, even people who claim to have known me for years would associate such adjectives as, “Freak, psychotic, introvert or plain weird” to describe me. But I was normal to her. I wish we could grow old together watch the beauty of the crimson sun over clear waters……..

Love you, miss you forever.

15 comments:

grimrocker said...

Seems like u just played tat old card game again, didn't u?

phatcougar said...

it aien't no card game without u brother!!!! just that lotta things no matter how insignificant seem to remind me of her tats all. its a good thing keeps me sane and reminds me that i don need any other chick.

arun rajeev said...

The need for the physical existance of what you seek seems to prevail in your thoughts, if somethign taught you what life was all about, in a matter of a second...did you guard it with your life ?, since you value it more than life itself ?...

phatcougar said...

if it were material without feeling and thought i would, since we are talkin abt a person here its highly unlikely to cross that line without committin a felony. i wouldn't mind doing that given the outcome of such a felony would generate desirable outcome in the characteristic behavior of everyone involved, more specifically her. but as u and i know this was not a possibility that we perceived in that moment in time. so i'm stuck with a few wonderful memories which i would cherish all my life without tainting it with criticism.

arun rajeev said...

Let me tell you something I've learnt , do not question that which seems beautiful to you for it might simply loose its beauty...
and in case you we're wondering, there is no such thing as 'forever'.
Remember what you see, for you have seen it before, that is how it is dearer to you...

phatcougar said...

u might have learnt things that u comprehend are true. i was not walkin around high all my life either. in my opinion when you question somethin and still it just keeps hittin u the same way it did the first time u saw somethin only that is worth spendin ur time and energy on. the imperfections so to say, making things unique. some things just don't deteriorate but gets better as we move ahead. i'm not sayin there wouldn't be any misunderstandings or rift but if u are in the same wave length and want the same things, then things resolve themselves without even liftin a finger. same is true with the mind that is focussed on something.
forever is the most beautiful word that gives immense hope after all hope is the life force of all human existence. the creation of a million gods and such.

so as a social experiment il stick on to forever, u just stick onto momentary things and lets see the outcome of this, again forever gives me the assurance that i have chosen wisely.

grimrocker said...

Guys, ever wondered about the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) that's being built at CERN?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Hadron_Collider

If that seems interesting to u, then invite me for a chat or somethin' and we'll discuss about it.

GHOST RIDER said...

the picture was wonderful..but still figuring out who is that one??

phatcougar said...

lol. well buddy if u knew me personally u wud know her. but i'm not gonna reveal any names

Anonymous said...

I love you!



you write so beautefuly.........love

Radha.

phatcougar said...

Thank you Radha ;)

ShiningStar said...

you have put it so beautifully...
when one knows that there is no other go but to dwell in the memories you have made with the one you love..you don't miss him/her as hard..when he/she is not with you all you remember are the good times you shared..and these memories become a reason for your existence..
..

Girish.Kumar said...

The tricky part is not to let it come in the way of other things in life. That part of life may never return but there is so much more to life than that.

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Tejeshwar Reddy said...

It's something like pain and happiness go parallel in Life brother!!!

I still curse myself for leaving her hand when she asked to but standing right there where she left me!!!

Just hoping she would cross me one day!!

There is joy in waiting for someone!!!


At last i miss her, miss her smile, miss her touch, miss her love and care but i never miss the distance between us!!!

 
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