Morbid Reflections

I DON'T KNOW: sometimes when i hear people talkin abt love i feel like puckin. i don't know why? 4 instance my friend was speakin abt a couple who loved 4 8 yrs & got married. i don't thnk its even possible 2 love someone 4 8 yrs. 4 someone like me its like a miracle. i've never been loved in my life. i don't know wat it feels like 2 be important or be loved. maybe tats why i hate tat word so much & belive tat it doesn't exist. it gives me peace of mind. i can at night{well actually i sleep when da sun is up}.
i haerd of tis guy who died in my college while on a trip & da funny part { i know 2 see someone's death as fun i must be really sick. weii i am} was tat no one realised tat he was dead or missing 4 a couple of hrs. well tis could easily happen 2 me. if i'm gone no one will realise it 4 atleast a couple of days. then someguy would say,"where is da freak who used 2 act like a smart guy?". probably by then they would have forgotten my name. some say everybody's life has a purpose, well i've never found out mine. if u don't have a purpose should u be alive. wat da hell am i doin here? this fuckin question has been killin me all my life. if u have an answer 2 tis i would love 2 know it.
one more thing if there is someone out there can teach me wat da hell love is all abt. i'd become their slave. tats a promise people.
nowadays i've become more friendly & tis is scarin me . i'm very afraid. i don't wanna get addicted 2 people. wen i'm alone there is tis peace tats soothin. i don't feel any pain. and when i do there is no one 2 judge me 4 havin tears in my eyes. i like loneliness. i can be me only with a couple of people, one of thm is always late & da other i don't know whether i should trust. but apart frm tat its just me. the shell is more beautiful than da outside world i should stay in it.......