ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL: How would you feel if your entire life was mapped out? Everything to the T. The time you wake up in the real life, which is the time when you start understanding your own conscience till your death. Everything. My parents wanted something like that for me. They had planned everything out. I hit 10^th standard and get good marks. They make a plan. I was given one option. I knew only one option. Take science. I like Science, but why did I take it? I don’t know. My parents said, smart people take science. How did they know that I was smart? Is it because of my marks? In that case, even a blind donkey with dementia can secure good marks in the Indian Education System. So I may or may not be smart or might even be a donkey.

I’m in 12^th standard and everyone says my options are limited to Engineering and Medicine. Why? Smart people are doing it. By now I don’t want to be smart. It seemed like dumb people have more options in life. They are even allowed to draw and paint. Since I’m allegedly smart I’m supposed to memorize a lot of theorems and equations and crack exams. What about all the things I like doing? All the small things that bring you enormous joy like playing football in the rain or cricket on a hot summer’s day. I don’t want to be smart.

This was the moment where I was at the brink of losing it and what pushed me over was the chat I had with my parents. Their plan was set in stone. They had already chosen engineering. They told me “Son you are doing Computer Science Engineering”. What? “Yeah and get good marks”. Then What? “Get into a software company”. Then What? “You should get married”. Then What? “You should have kids”. Then What? “Don’t be stupid you will be leading a good life”. I guess then I die. That’s when I realized ever since my birth everything was planned out. I lost my mind. I wanted to cut short the arduous journey to death by a single GSW to the temple. I decided to do a complete U-turn instead. I screwed my life up. My life became a 2 million piece jig saw puzzle that has been scattered around the cosmos. Now I’m in the fun part of putting it all back piece by piece the way I want it. There are no more rules. I intent to stack them together vertically with super glue and call it’s done.

My life has started its metamorphosis into a beautiful art work. As they say, there is nothing called a bad art work as long as it invokes some emotional response from someone. I can proudly say I have lived a very fascinating life.

Don’t plan everything. Enjoy Life’s surprises they have a way of spicing up things. 

SADIST: I hate being evil. My mind starts rushing, comes up with the most complex plans to hurt someone both physically and mentally. I can feel my pulse racing; it’s like a shot of Adrenaline. I have stayed away from that feeling for a while. I don’t want to be that person. Then some Idiot comes along and challenges me to a dual. You know he deserves it and my conscious which is on a tight rope decides to take a plunge into the dark side. As I bombard him with my ice cold strategies to reduce him to dust, my mind is caught up again warning me to stop.

I want to stop but I’m feeling good. It’s like when you are doing something illegal and that second before you get caught. That feeling, the feeling of knowing imminent danger but you still continue to wile away in your sadism. I love that part.

This wasn’t the worst thing I have done. I have done far more things that I am still guilty about to this day. I was feeling bad coz I don’t want to go back to being that person again. Once I lose all control, I start enjoying pain both others and mine. It’s far more addictive than any other drug. The worst part being you will purposely screw things up to enjoy pain. Self destruction becomes an enjoyable activity and the rush is more addictive than cocaine.

I have trained my mind to be nice. I know that, it’s like trying to tame a wild beast but I have to, for my sake and for the sake of people around me. When I slipped, my mind started giving me justifications for it. He deserved it. People might see the funny side of it. At one point it started quoting the “Bhagawat Geeta”, you know the conversation between Arjun and Krishna.

I’m going to focus harder. Think positive thoughts, read more Vivekananda and maybe cleansing the soul will help tame my mind.

THE QUEST: It’s a dark evening, and then it starts to rain. We can feel Evil in the air. We throw caution to the wind and get on our ride. She is a supped up two stroke machine built it Hell. Her power is Legendary. If you don’t know how to ride her, the fear alone is enough to kill you. If the fear doesn’t get you, the massive burst of Adrenaline will. Shaolin – that’s her name. I have had my share of love quarrels with her. She has tossed me up in the air, threw me across the tarmac, crashed into other vehicles but we survived, we love each other. I like it rough and she knows it.

Today I was going to push her. She doesn’t like the rain but I had no choice but get her drenched. She gets intoxicated by rain, loses control over her power and her Balance. I know I’m pushing my luck, but I have no other choice.

We begin our journey; my pillion is my friend, the great warrior from Punjab. He had seen enough battles in his lifetime to know how important this one was for our kind. He had missed the last great battle which to this day he regrets. When I wanted him by my side he wasn’t there, he knows I’m disappointed. He wants to make amends. Dressed in his tradition turban and his warrior “kada” he is ready to take on the rain.

The strategy was to meet up with one of our allies. The Big man. He was getting an Oracle along to foresee our future. We were to meet them at the intersection of four big roads – “The Empire”, where helpless birds were devoured. We sent signals before we left so that they can reach the rendezvous point on time. En route we decided to empty the treasury, for in a situation like we are in now, we don’t know what lies ahead. With our pockets full and a single minded focus to achieve our goal, we forge ahead. The rain intensifies, Shaolin doesn’t like it. She starts kicked and swerving. I keep my mouth shut and try to control her. The great warrior from Punjab is at his best when he is calm. I didn’t want to worry him. The Oracle starts speaking to the warrior telepathically. We need to reach “The Empire” quickly. Time has decided to sabotage the whole operation.

I didn’t confess to my friend about something. I have a disease, I can’t understand direction. I’m moving ahead with Blind faith that I will reach the destination. The warrior sits behind me, not knowing the internal turmoil that is burning my soul. Stay calm my friend, I need you for this one.

We reach “The Empire”. I see the Big man and the Oracle, they seem to be in love. I could see the darkness engulfing the skies to the East, I signal to the Big man to get his ride and follow me. I ride towards the west full speed ahead. Time wants a win real bad, so he has allied up with his nemesis the Rain. My visibility has reduced, my heart is pounding. I can see bright lights coming towards me. I don’t slow down, I throttle up. I want this, I need this. The Big man and the Oracle are behind us. I throttle up further as Rain feels like a flood from above. I can’t see the tarmac. I see a green light. I instinctively know I have to turn right. I bank my baby and she slides. I’m rolling on the tarmac as Shaolin comes to a grinding halt 3 feet from me. I see the warrior on his back. I can feel the Adrenaline. We are so close,our destination is not even 50 meters away.

I pick my baby up, she says she is okay and starts apologizing. That doesn’t suit her, she is my girl, and arrogance is what suits her. The Big Man and the Oracle are concerned. They have this look which suggests abandoning the voyage. My eyes disagree. One kick and Shaolin is ready to go, but where is the warrior? I look around to see him limping near “Kaya”. I ask him to cross the great divide and attack. I can’t move as the lights in the sky are red. I wait till they turn Green and twist my wrist. I’m there in a flash but the warrior, he isn’t there. I need him before I go in. The Oracle seems to be worried about the warrior. I run to him to see him covered in Blood. He says, “This is just Blood go get them for me”. So I did. The Big man, Oracle and I we walked into Planet M and bought our Metallica Concert tickets.

SHALLOW GIRL

There has been a lot of talk about how men can be really shallow and insensitive well it goes both ways. I met a girl who is so shallow that she repulsed me as much as her beauty attracted me. The moment I saw her I felt like I was struck with lightning and there was a clap of thunder in my heart but soon enough all that got drenched by the sadness of her prejudice.

My intention was not to bed her. Some women you just want to rip their clothes off and make love like rapid dogs that have a day to live. This was different. I wanted to spend time with her, get lost in her eyes and together make sense of what Bryan Adams keeps singing in his songs. I knew I was getting sappy; I went along for the ride. Wanting a meaningful relationship I drew boundaries in mind of things that I don’t want to speak about and highlighted the ones I wanted to emphasize on without coming off like a douche bag. My strategy was let the girl talk and listen intently.

Whenever I would talk she would give me this look as if everything that’s coming out of my mouth is inconsequential. I was amazed at the level of lucidity that she displayed for a 20 year old. She would tease me if I told her about my ambitions, she wouldn’t believe my achievements. She wouldn’t even consider me smart. I was finding it hard to hold a conversation as she was drifting completely off as if none of these worldly things mattered to her. I thought she was destined to be a saint. Then I made a mistake I let her talk.

Several hours of dating, rather her talking had me exhausted. All she could talk about was her dad and how she has a boyfriend with whom she has a long distance relationship. That would have scared any decent guy away but being me, I decided to pursue thinking that if I am better than that guy I can give her more happiness. I was being selfish and thinking about her happiness also. Tight rope I know. This reminds me of my ex who had given me a T-shirt which read “Morally Impaired”. I wouldn’t completely agree with her, I would say I have subjective morality.

So she would go on and on about her dad and boyfriend while I sit there thinking about Michelangelo’s Sistine chapel and existentialism. I started drifting away so I stopped and asked her to speak about something else. To my complete and utter disbelief she starts talking about shopping and how she hasn’t shopped for a week. She goes on to say she doesn’t really wear all the clothes she buys but still likes buying them. I can hear Tyler Durden in my head screaming “Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need.” She says she stands in front of a store if she likes something and wouldn’t budge until her stupid boyfriend or her rich Dad doesn’t buy what she likes from there. I’m thinking “if she weren’t so pretty would she be able to get away with it”.

By now I’m pretty sure that all that lucidity was camouflaged stupidity. I ask her whether she knows anything about the world she lives in. Her – “I’m way smarter than you think, ask me anything”. Somebody gives you a loaded gun and bets you a million bucks that you are a bad shot, what would you do? I was caught between existentialism and Michelangelo, I go with Michelangelo. I realize my mistake as I pray that she doesn’t say green color tortoise looking creature who knows martial arts. She has no clue, she doesn’t even know about Teenage mutant ninja turtles. All I can see is stupidity personified in her eyes. Lucidity, I had to be on ecstasy to mistake stupidity for lucidity.

The Last Nail in the Coffin

By now I kind of know that I’m a jackass to have seen only what I wanted to and unknowingly she got the better of me. So final questionnaire of the day, “Do you mingle with people who are below you in the social cadre?” Hell no why would I, was the answer. Lights off.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: I guess I understand why a man needs a woman. Men are supposed to be strong. Men like me never cry we stay strong for everyone around us. When a tragedy strikes you try to calm people around you. You speak to them and give them support and the strength they need at that vulnerable time. It’s our primitive genes kicking in, like a Puff Adder puffs itself to look bigger in times of crisis, like a Cobra splaying its hood out and standing erect, like a cheetah flaying its front legs to drive away predators, we puff our chest up and make ourselves look big. In spite of the agony that strikes our heart we don’t lose face. We don’t budge instead we stand tall and carry all the burden without any lapse in judgment wearing a mask of superhuman strength so that we don’t reveal the many emotions and turmoil that begets our heart.
I guess we need our women to show that we are human. I guess we need someone whom we can cry with in private. I guess we need that special lady who would believe you are strong even in your weakest hour.

ALTER EGO: I have never let my alter ego loose for the fear of it taking over me. The dark side has always been fascinating maybe thats what keeps me sane. If you disect the situation you would realise that you need to have a dark side to know what is wrong and what is right. It acts as a moral needle pointing towards the right and smacking you over the head asking you to tow the line. Ever so often I wonder what would happen if you give into that dark side. The tabooed being might take over and run amock.

After a long and complicated debate with myself I have decided to give it a spot on the net to go wild. I'm about to create a very destructive blog that just spurts out all the anger, the filth and all the psychotic tendencies onto a single page. Maybe if Freud was alive he would have seeked me out and made me his personal lab rat.Or maybe he would have buried me alive and destroyed all the forsenic evidence that I ever existed.Nevertheless an interesting experiment is going to commence soon. See you on the other side.

RELAPSE : I started writing again. It feels good. It feels like coming back home after being in battle for a while. All my scars heal quicker when I'm writing. Its magic. But I need to do something more than just ramble. Empty ramblings which make people sit up and take notice. My perspective looks good on paper but I'm learning the hard way how much you have to toil to make them real. Sometimes it doesn't even make any sense.

Some people aim for something really close to them. Sights set on something that they can achieve even if they trip and fall. Others choose something barely visible but the path has been laid out by others and which hand full of people they know have been able to achieve. I'm shooting in the dark hoping it hits the big bad grizzly, clearing my path for the elusive dream that my once twisted mind keeps telling me is real. I don't even see the grizzly so there is no point talking about what I'm heading to. Rest assured I'm going for it. There is no point in mediocrity. There is no point is rules, career, relationships or anything else. Its you and everything you dreamed of. So for everyone who reads this from time to time. I'm finally going to write a book.

BOLLYWOOD: It was a very peaceful fight. Nobody was bruised but they were battered beyond recognition. The Hero wanted the Villain to kill him but the Villain wanted to die at the hands of the Hero. The leading lady was a tramp. Which lead to the conflict at the first place and the fact that the Hero and the Villain weren’t brothers didn’t really help anyone.

This was very similar to a lot of fights between non siblings. The siblings were all murdered in the beginning of the book so that everyone automatically became a single child to their parents. The parents had the ill fate of choosing who lives and who dies.

This brought tears to the movie goers’ eyes. The crowed relished every second of drama unleashed before their tear filled eyes. Were they tears of pain or tears of joy were the topic of research for a renowned psychiatrist from a lesser known far away land. The sibling who was intended to die fought till he died, if he hadn’t fought he would be dead anyways. But the one who was victorious was not victorious over death because death always knows where you live.

Coming back to the story that hangs in the balance. The balance of life and death. The Hero and the Villain both born to different parents, fate has put them in the position of siblings. One has to die. They want blood, but their own.

Both have very low self esteem, both are in love with a tramp. The Hero shot the Villain with a knife. The Villain lived to tell the tale. The telling of the tale killed the Hero of embarrassment. He finally got what he wanted but did he deserve it?

WORD ASSOCIATION: What comes to your mind when you hear the word beauty? What comes to your mind when you hear the word violence? What comes to mind when you hear the word peace? We associate an image with every word in our head. When you hear your best friends name called out. You have his image in your mind. If you are afraid of a snake, the word snake will automatically bring terror in front of your eyes.
What if that can be changed? What if every word in your head can be given a whole new image to be associated with. Its like this, you have an image of a beautiful girl in your head. When you think about beauty that’s what pops up in your head. Then one day you see someone more beautiful walk past you. That older image is automatically substituted by the new one. Now think of beauty and you will think of the second girl.
Similarly what if the bad things are disassociated too. You think of violence and you have an image of people being killed brutally with their hands and torso torn out with blood smears all over the place. Now you train your mind to dissociate it completely. So much so that the next time you hear the word violence there is nothing but a blank sheet with “bad” written on it.
Like wise I’m trying one more thing consciously these days. I want to remove all the negatives from my conversation or at least my thought process as much as possible. I always have a list of people in my mind whom I hate and now I would rather say, I not fond of them. Every instance you say the word hate, somewhere in the subconscious you know you are not supposed to use that. This is going to be an on going experience. I will let you know about the results too.

FATIMA BHUTTO: Little Birdie came from across the border. Where things aren’t so green. She looked like she deserved better. She sings a sad song of betrayal and misfortune on her and her kind. Is she looking for shelter? Or is she looking for a shoulder to cry on? Maybe she wants someone to lend an ear.
Little birdie is smart as she is beautiful. She looked to her neighbors who are rivals for ages. She sings the songs of blood and sword: betrayal is at its core. She loves the freedom of thought but is imprisoned in her own.
Her eyes have seen a lot of pain. Her tears want to bring about a change. She loves her little country and the countrymen alike; even after so much violence she thinks there is room for change. She wants to clip her own wings just to stay back and help.
The people in our land are skeptical for we have seen bloodshed galore. Do we trust the little Birdie? Do we believe in her songs? She tells us it’s not the people, people from both the countries are kind, it’s the kings and the king’s men who control the game. Setting bounty on the good ones, until there are no more. One of the Noble men says, her beauty might be an illusion meant to confuse us all. Her beautiful voice meant to hypnotize our souls. But I believe in the little Birdie, hope she doesn’t fall.

Growth: Everyone talks about growth in life. True growth occurs when you shed your negatives and embrace only your positives. Let the light shine and the darkness fade away. The other day I was having a conversation about this with one of my friends and he said that if at all this is done then the real person is lost. When we meet someone and become friends we appreciate the good in him and acknowledge the bad. This makes him what he is and this is the person whose friendship we cherish. I don’t agree with this. When I’m friends with someone I make sure I tell them what they are doing wrong. Some people don’t realize when they are doing something wrong since the wrong that they commit

has somehow been justified in their mind and has become a part of them. If they can change that and move towards being a great person from a good one, that’s something I would love to see.
I have had a lot of people tell me it’s not easy to do the right thing all the time. I’m not asking everyone to be a saint. The major obstacle people find in their lives ahead of greed is laziness. When you are just lazing around ask yourself, “Can I be doing something else that will enrich my life instead of what I’m doing now?”. Invariably the answer will be, “Yes”. Just go for it. It’s quite simple. The best part of doing something or the other all the time is that you don’t get time to dwell in your own misery. Every day will get brighter and brighter. To this if you can add shedding your negatives, every day will seem like a dream.

SAYINGS: I’m the kind of guy who likes to read billboards and things written on the walls even if it asks me to go home and try to have an intercourse with myself. This rant is for all the women out there who wear these smart t shirts and think I’m staring at their boobs. Well,I’m not. I’m trying to read the so called smart quotes on your t-shirt. If you really know me then you would also know that I’m a butt man, unless you have boobs like Sophia Vergara (to all the guys, google it). If you do then they have to be fake and I don’t like fake ones and trust me, guys can make out the real ones from the fake ones so
don’t even try. Now coming to all the crap on your t-shirt. We expect to read
something smart not stupid. No “Fish fuck in water so don’t drink water”. That’s just disappointing and it exposes the kind of humor that you like. Besides it’s not even worth getting a slap for reading that from a hot chick no matter how kinky you are. If you really want to make my life hard get something on your butt. I wouldn’t know whether to read or to look. It might send me into an epileptic fit. But again you wouldn’t know whether I’m looking or reading. If I have a smile on my face then I’m probably looking given that you have a good butt, else I’m disappointed at your butt or I’m disappointed at the saying. This is quite complicated. So next time you are wearing pants with sayings on them google “Keyra Augustina”.(Guys, If you haven’t seen it, you guys are idiots and need to google it right now). I'd give her a hundred out of ten. If you still think you want to wear those pants then you deserve to wear them. The whole t-shirt thing can backfire if you really want to attract some good looking guys. I will explain how. There is this friend of mine who gets a panic attack whenever he enters a bookstore. His face turns red and we drag him outside so that a stray dog can perform CPR on him. If all girls start wearing t-shirts with sayings he might turn gay or kill himself and ninety percent of all men I know are allergic to books. Actually this whole thing can work in my favor. With ninety percent of all men gone my odds look much better. So to all the women who read this, forget about it as a bad dream.

Contibutions by Jagadish Puttaraju

CHANGE : I can feel enormous change in me. I look inside for all of my answers now. I’m understanding all my limitations and trying to push them to accommodate more of me. I feel the need to grow and spread my wings. When you realize where you stand as an individual as compared to where you want to be the next day or a month after that or a decade after that you start unraveling the path on which you need to proceed. This also tells you the amount of work one needs to put in to walk that road let alone reach a goal. This is the point where people turn back and settle for something lesser and more comfortable. The mountain looks too torrid to be able to chisel into a beautiful sculpture even though you know it’s hidden in there. If you think I’m talking about success you have mistaken. I’m not talking about achieving a desired goal but the path in which you need to proceed and the joy that brings you regardless of the end result. The end result is for people to see but what really counts is the experience. Experiencing a beautiful sunset on a beautiful beach is more important than taking a picture and showing it to your friend. As you sweat it out to create something beautiful you aren’t thinking about anything but what you are working on. Once completed people might hate it or love it, they are getting a glimpse into your psyche when you created it, but they can never experience what you felt when you created it. Don’t settle for comfort; settle for what your heart really desires.
One more thing has changed in me in the recent times. I still don’t know whether it is for the better or for the worse. Before when I used to see people who have potential I would be hell bent on making them realize this. I would talk to them and try and get them to see it. Lately I’ve realized that everyone has potential and everyone has something unique to offer to the world. There are lots of reasons that differentiate the ones who are doing something about it and the ones who don’t.
The first reason - some people are just too lazy to do anything. They would sit and criticize a guy who is doing awfully in the area of their expertise. They know they can do better than the other person but won’t. The reason being they are just too lazy to get off their asses and do anything about it. The worst kinds are the ones who are proud of the fact that they can do better, not do anything, yet think the rest of the world is beneath them.
The second reason – some people do not like risk. They would do anything to reduce risk. I believe in taking at least one shot at something that you are passionate about. I would hate to get old and think I should have taken that shot when I could. Even if doesn’t work out you know you tried. That would be your personal screen saver in your head in troubled times. Sometimes life kicks you so hard in the groin that you would not want to take anymore risk. I understand these people and what they are going through but I don’t necessarily agree with them. When you are down and out that’s when the real you emerges, if he is strong you will soar to heights beyond imagination and limits. The best part is everyone one of us is strong.
Coming back to what has changed in recent times. I no longer spend my time and energy in making people realize their potential. I know that they haven’t achieved that stage of awareness to realize all the beautiful things hidden inside them. I just hope someday they wake up and look inwards before it’s too late for them and the world.

SWEENEY TODD :Life is like a hair cut you never know what you are going to get. I had a bad hair cut today and being an optimist up until the last moment I kept thinking it’s going to get better. It’s like watching a bad movie, you wait for the twist in the tale and hoping it’s not the twists that you have in mind. The result – “A twisted Hair cut”.

There are different kinds of hair cut blunders; one of them is falling asleep when getting a hair cut. The rhythmic sound of the blades sliding across each other can be quite sleep inducing, especially with all the crappy music playing in the background. This would be less painful if you stick to sleeping on the chair and not dreaming. Imagine this, you are dreaming about yourself getting a haircut and dozing off, while you are sleeping in the chair and dozing off. You dream about the barber cutting off your ears, wake up screaming to find a piece of your ear hanging off the metal blades.

If you thought demon barbers only exist in movies and novels think again for they are dime a dozen where I live. The first kind, are the ones who think they are masters of chiropractic treatments and spine adjustment. They pretend to be cutting your hair and when you least expect it they wrap their hands around your neck and twist it like the ninjas do in the old martial arts movie. If it resulted in death it could have been appreciated. Instead, what you are left with is your spine yanked out of your body and readjusted to fit into your wallet. If you sit down and explain how that hurts and doesn’t really work, he starts blaming you for not sitting still. He also claims to have treated Stephan Hawkings who walked out of his shop on his own two feet. He also goes on to tell me that Christopher Reeves was supposed to be his next customer but he ended up going to his rival and we all know what happened next.

The next kind, are the ones who don’t believe in personal hygiene. Sometimes you don’t doze off at the chair but you fall unconscious due to the foul odor coming from the barber’s arm pits when he raises his arms to cut your hair. You somehow gain consciousness to keep your vanity in check and to keep your beloved ones from being massacred beyond the point of growth. All this, to be beaten back to submission by bad breath.

Finding the right barber is like finding your soul mate. She makes you feel good and look good too. Until then every relationships ends with you having to pay for it some way or the other.

POTS AND PANS: Life changing experiences doesn’t have to be a near death experience. Life changing experience is just the moment where you wake up in life. You realize your stupidity but we are like cauldrons filled with boiling negativity and bad choices. Its when this spills over that we really feel the burn. Our aim is simple, cool all the emotions inside and start emptying the cauldron. Once it’s clean we can reuse the same to fill in the good things in life
I have seen people work till they become machines. The only difference being machines don’t complain. They negate all the good work they do by complaining so much. When things aren’t going your way only then will the true you emerge. Stop complaining and focus on the good things, is what all the great saints will tell you but this is hard to practice. The easiest thing to do when things get tough is not to think at all. Its almost poetic, hum a song. Be blank. This I learnt from a life changing experience that I had about two years ago when I was at my miserable best. It helped that I went away from it all but again I was still in my body and my body was a mess.
Recently I had another one. I have always done things my way, never did anything to please anyone. Took my own road, the less crowded one that life offers. Even with whatever I do, be it writing or drawing, I never waited for any kind of validation from people. My motto has always been, I will do something in life which gives me satisfaction, and the world can burn in hell.
This has worked for me till now for I can find at least a few souls who agree with me, sometimes sympathize with me or find me curious enough to look at what I have to offer. Few weeks ago one of my close friends decided to get into business and more specifically into the food industry. I asked him whether he was in it for the money. He said no. I asked him whether he was in it because of his love for fine cuisine. He said no. I kept at it till nothing seemed to justify why he was getting into it. So my narrow mind was stuck at all these little materialistic and sometimes ego centric landscapes. Finally I gave up and asked him to spill it out. This is what he told me, “I want to do something that gives joy and satisfaction to people, and provides me enough to keep my passions alive".
My cauldron is a little less filled because of my friend Prashant.

MONEY: What if you can give someone everything that they ever wanted? If someone likes life, give them immortality. If someone likes freedom, give them wings to soar away from limitations. At this point in time I don’t have the ability to bestow people with neither immortality nor do I posses the knowledge to free people from their earthly bounds.

There are these people in this world that I can help, at least to gain momentary happiness. These are people who love money, not your average miser who calculates everything. I’m talking about a guy who weighs everything in terms of profit and loss. This is a guy who thinks if he talks too much he spends these many calories in turn he has to eat more food, which would lead to spending money on food so, as a logical solution keeps his mouth shut at all times.

For these people money is everything, they rank it higher than relationships, sometimes higher than freedom.

Do not confuse these people with the impoverished. The poor need money to survive; these people on the other hand want money so that they can be happy. They might even have more money than you but that doesn’t really matter since they need more. So why not give it to them. Even if you have only ten rupees, give them five. You can see true joy in their eyes. It’s the same joy you find in people’s eyes when they meet their long lost love after years of separation. It’s the same joy you see in a mother’s eye when their first kid is born. All this joy cost you was five rupees.

FICTION:

Guy1: Dude the letter you asked me to give her totally bombed, she started crying, called me a pervert and said if I ever get near her she will call the cops on me. The worst part was, she said, she hates me.

Me: So, it worked.

Guy1: What?

Me: Precisely. She has to hate you passionately. Then we can convert that passion into love. Remember passion cannot be created nor destroyed but…

Guy1: So. What do I do next?

Me: Do you know who Shah Rukh Khan is?

Guy1: Yes.

Me: Crap. Do you know who Joy Mukherjee is?

Guy1: No.

Me: Excellent. He was like Shah Rukh Khan, but with less epilepsy. In an old movie he goes to this girl who hates her, whips out a knife and says, I will stab this knife into my arm if you don’t stop me and say you love me. If you don’t, I will rip out my heart and throw it at your feet.

Guy1: What happened next?

Me: What do you think? The girl stopped him. They fell in love and got married. Add in about 8 songs and that’s what happened.

Guy1: Cool man. So get a fake knife?

Me: Hell no. This is what makes you an idiot. Fake knife will never bring out the fear and passion in you. She takes one good look at that trembling hand and she is all yours.

Guy1: Thanks bro, you are a life saver.

Guy2: Dude, did you hear what happened to Guy1?

Me: He stabbed himself in the arm?

Guy2: How did you know?

Me: Have you heard of premonition?

Guy2: Is that the girl in Bio-tech first year?

At the hospital.

Me: Did you use a fake knife?

Guy1: Does this wound look fake to you?

Me: Well, Debatable. Anyways, I guess she turned out to be a psycho. How could she stand there and not do anything.

Guy1: She did, she called the cops.

Me: What does that tell you about her?

Guy1: She has the cops’ number on speed dial?

Me: No you idiot. She is not the one for you. There are plenty of fish in the sea and lots of girls on the beach.

THE WHO MAKES YOU WRITE: I have realized something about myself today. I can’t be happy with normal. I can adapt to it but won’t be happy. All these events in the past ten years have made me realize that I was not meant to conform to the lifestyle that is pushed upon us by the media. For that matter anything.

My inner self is not happy with anything around me which even slightly resembles normalcy. That doesn’t mean it’s not good for you. It only emphasizes the fact that if you like them we will never get along, for that matter you won’t even get me no matter how hard you try. Which might be a good thing for both of us. Trying to figure out who we are is a process which takes a long time. When you do you realize that, you have only dug the tip of the iceberg and now you are cold, sinking and afraid to drown in your own self.

Even success seems to be enslaving. I don’t get jealous when someone gets a dream job with a seven figure salary. It’s good for that person who has dreamt of that moment all his life.

What do I want from life? I don’t know. What will make me happy? I don’t know. So what have I learnt from all these experiences. Well, I know what I don’t want.

The mystery to me is, when people dream, why do they always get tangled up with the notion of a good job and lots of money and the urge to settle down in life? Let me try and break this down a little bit.

Firstly, when you are dreaming about the ideal life, why would you ever want to work? My ideal future would be not to work. Just do something that I like and maybe even get paid for it. We are raised to work for others. I wouldn’t call working for someone a dream but a subconscious awareness of what needs to be done to be successful according to the parameters of the society.

Secondly, lots of money. Why lots of money? If money amounts for happiness, I would have always worked towards the perfect bank heist. Money is a like a hot trophy girlfriend with lots of baggage. The sex is good but the next morning you feel like the roles have been reversed and you are stuck with an overwhelming feeling of being screwed. Money is important but it’s not everything. I wouldn’t dream of being the richest man alive. I would hope that I make enough to survive and make enough to keep my passions alive.

Thirdly, settling down in life. I never understood this. The world is a big place even though people claim that it has become smaller. I believe the contrary. People make the world what it is and as the number of people grows so does the world. Every person you meet accounts to a new experience, only if you are open to such poetic notions. Why would you want to settle down and read about events in the newspaper while you can go out there and be a part of it. I want to be a nomad and experience things, than be some guy whishing to grow the balls to get out there and live free.

Breakdown everything and analyze it, then you will realize we are being hollowed out. They just want us to be remnants of absolute freedom that once roamed this earth with its head held high. Nowadays they are going a step further by shoveling in as much as self pity, depression, greed, consumerism and sloth as they possibly can. By the time you cleanse yourself of all these you are fighting to get out of a coffin banging on the door. Trying to tear way the latch with your bear fingers while they ground down to your bones. Wake up from your lousy dream and dream beyond even the possibility of what life has to offer and what death can take away. Dream with your eyes open.