CHASING THE DREAM: Laughing hysterically in the face of misery can cure depression. Laugh until your guts hurt. Laugh until your eyes tear. Laugh.

Side effects may include turning into a famous serial killer, but you won’t be depressed. You might kill a few endangered whales and pandas, but you won’t be depressed. You might bludgeon helpless cute little baby seals attaining peace of mind with a piece of mind.

Meds can’t help you. No chemical can. Explode externally to save self destruction. Weigh out your options. Do you want to be a super villain or kill yourself? Megalomaniac world ruler, solitary confinement. Blood dripping out of your veins. GSR on your finger tips. All because of some lousy depression. No, avoiding depression. “Hysterical Laughter”.

Think you are a bird, think you can fly. Splat on 10 people below you. Laugh Hysterically. Satire my ass, this is my life we are talking about. “Hysterical Laughter.”

The pen is mightier than the sword, jab it in your neck. “Hysterical Laughter.”

Lets go destroy something beautiful. Accomplice ? No. Figment of my twisted mind. Nuke the Swiss Alps, Key a brand new red Ferrari, Burn the Mona Lisa. Fire gives you heat and light. Destruction on HD technology. Two million pixels per inch. Two million little pieces of the Mona Lisa burning. Don’t smile bitch, Laugh Hysterically.

Bottle up emotions, the outcome can surprise you. I choose door number three. Modern art on the floor. Naked dead broad pinned to the bed. No self destruction only external explosion followed by hysterical laughter.

Choose the weapon of destruction. Weapon of your choice, Caliber 5.56 mm “M16” air cooled, gas operated assault rifle with a rotating bolt actuated by direct impingement gas operation. 900 rounds per second. Traveling at 3,200 feet per second. Straight into your eye. Drum magazine holding unto 90 rounds. Even if I miss 50 percent of my shots, I still hit 45 before I reload. This is fun. Each bullet coated with Teflon to pierce even the toughest armor to rip through your flesh in time. Tiny entry wounds. Exit wounds the size of a football. Gory, sickening, puke on the floor. The devil resurrected. Columbine still fresh in the memory of a few who lost. Cured am I? No. “Hysterical Laughter”. Not enough. The thirst continues. Death sentences not enough. “Hysterical Laughter”. Torture, pain, ineffective weekend retreats. Make me a vegetable make me a Broccoli, make me a Zucchini. Vengeance is yours.

CHILD ABUSE: It spells terror in most people’s minds. Brings horrifying images of innocence being robbed off an angel by a very nasty creature in the form of a friend, uncle or a relative. It leaves a scar on the victim so deep that it is impossible to heal it no matter how much time is at hand. Is there another form of child abuse? There is, maybe not as traumatizing but still impacts the life of the child in a similar manner. Here the people around the child inadvertently rape the young child’s thought and those beautiful innocent dreams. It can even be the child’s own parents. They intend for the kid to lead a good life and be happy but the path they choose can be completely wrong. Pushing the child to do things it doesn’t enjoy and not allowing the child to do things that it enjoys in the name of hygiene, status and all the other bullshit that we adhere to in this world.

It’s hard for a kid to grow up like this. Once you grow up like this every moment you spend analyzing yourself. You are filled with an urge to make others happy than you being happy. You grow up looking around hoping to see people smile at your success. Even when you succeed you are not exactly happy. You are relieved that you haven’t failed and that they can’t blame you anymore. Even a simple game of cricket on the streets turn into a savage competition coz your brain morphs it into the most important game of your life. You start playing really well seldom making a mistake but can’t enjoy the game coz you are engrossed in all the calculations that will help you succeed. Socially you might attain the highest degree of success but you will be dead inside and the worst part is nobody seems to understand this, until one day you blow your brains all over a pretty wall.

One of my friends once told me, “if you don’t procreate, you are a failure as an organism.” Does this mean just to be successful organism I breed a flock of kids and trample their souls under my mighty feet until they become serial killers? I don’t agree with this at all. If you think you are emotionally disturbed to be a good parent just don’t have any kids. It’s as simple as that. The atrocities that you unknowingly commit on your child decide the fate of the little one. Every tiny detail counts here. The punishment for mistakes being the biggest of them all. I would prefer beatings over mental torture any day. Beat me and get it over with. Mental torture is a whole different game. The parents being elder can think of a million different things to say to a child without being aware the amount of hurt they are inducing on the little soul. The kid might take every single word seriously and this will remain with him forever, tormenting him while he is asleep in the form of nightmares. Making him feel isolated from the rest of the world. Only way to protect young minds is to educate the old. If a couple decide to have a child, they should be made to join dedicated classes at least for hundred hours to understand the fragilities of a child’s mind and every year they should be made to realize their duties as a parent. This can be done by attending additional classes for maybe five hours a year. Lot of people might disagree with me saying parenting is a natural thing. I would like to ask these talented parents whether it is so difficult to dedicate hundred hours of your life for the welfare of their own child.

Parenting is the most important aspect of human existence. It determines whether the young soul is going to be happy or miserable for the rest of his life. If you have even the slightest doubt about your parenting skills, please don’t have any kids. Maybe you are saving the lives of a whole lot of people you haven’t even met.

RAGE AGAINST THE HUMANS: Frustration is building up so badly. I might choke anything that would walk past me. Its like every time I raise up to take a breath somebody holds me by my ankles and pulls me in deeper into the water. I can feel the water rushing into my lungs. I feel my anger engulfing my veins as they shut down all possible avenues of rationale in my brain. It’s dangerous when frustration manifests itself into rage. It burns anything and everything that stands in its path. I desperately need to calm myself down. I need to tie myself to a lamp post until this feeling subsides. Even if that doesn’t help then ram my head into a wall with a tidy run up, hoping it would knock me out of my senses for at least a few minutes.

Writing seems to calm me down. That’s one of the reasons I’m writing now. Procrastination can be one of the main culprits of rage it definitely is for me. You know you should not procrastinate yet you somehow convince yourself that you can do it later and maybe even do it better at a later time. It’s funny the absurdities we can convince ourselves into believing. I have seen guys who make basic mistakes while riding a bike yet they proclaim to be true bikers. Do they even comprehend how all this bullshit effects people around them? They are too self obsessed to think about others is what I feel. After you reach a saturation point of taking crap from these mentally challenged special agents of irritability then there is no way you can mend the relationship you once had with them, which by this time has severed beyond recognition. After that point though even the simplest of the mistakes you would have overlooked seem as big as ratting out our beloved nation’s secrets to our enemies. I say this because the punishment dished out to such crimes are pretty similar, intense and sometimes even cruel.

The crimes committed purely out of rage can they be tried the same as if the guy was completely in his senses? This is where justice and true justice differ. Our judicial system doesn’t consider the state of mind one was in when he committed those crimes except in the case of insanity. The victims are enraged too not necessarily of the crime but the sheer pace of our judicial system. It tires you down so much causing intense trauma as one is reminded of the same nightmare each time he visits the temple of justice. This makes the victims want to let go of the antagonists no matter what they did to them, hoping a supreme force will return the favor ten times mightier in the name of karma.

THE ONE: All of a sudden I find myself thinking about her. I miss her, a lot. She was the ray of hope I wanted to cling onto so bad. No matter what’s bothering me, just seeing her face would transcend me to a planet so beautiful; it would over shadow even the most beautiful dream that you have ever seen in your life. I can still converse with her anytime I want to. A part of her is imprinted onto my soul.

People have regrets of not having the photograph of the love of their lives, if at all they have loved and lost. I don’t need her photograph. Photos don’t do justice to her. In a photograph you can only see her physical appearance. They don’t tell you o her aura or her souls which I saw and felt. Warm, ever so, comfortable. We had conversations without speaking. Talks, that lasted for hours without even speaking a word. When you find someone who mirrors you in deeds and thoughts, pushing the bounds of imagination and happiness, you live more than ever. You feel immortal, blessed. I could spend a life time looking into her eyes, swimming in her thoughts, drowning my sorrows.

Even her fragrance was intoxicating. I could have my eyes closed and tell you the minute she walked into the room. When I met her for the last time, I somehow knew that I’m never going to meet her again. I kept reminding myself, “Build memories; hold on to every thread of information. I can’t afford to forget her.” So now I remember her face, her beautiful smile, her joy, her sorrow, her touch and smell, everything. I couldn’t be lost in my life as long as I hold on to them. She is mine, my light to guide my way through misery and my friend in my happiness.

When we were kids we would fight a lot and she would come to me and cry. I would feel miserable seeing her like that. I would desperately hold back my tears. Now I wish I had cried.

The spectrums of human emotions are huge. Some people take a lifetime to experience them. I on the other hand, experienced each and every one of them, in rapid succession too. I still feel a little exhausted from that. It felt as if she was opening a different door to heaven every single time I met her. She had all the keys, millions of them hidden in that tiny heart of hers. She was meant to show me what happiness was. I was immersed in so much of it. I’m still high on happiness.

Those ten years I spent with her made my life worth living. I can live another hundred just remembering her. Keeping her memory alive seems to be more important to me than living.

Nobody understood her, sophisticated was her middle name. Being lost in other people’s sorrow her true nature. Suffering pain was an instinct. We would forget everything when together.

She made me what I am today. She made me human, taught me affection and compassion. People have different names for me, even people who claim to have known me for years would associate such adjectives as, “Freak, psychotic, introvert or plain weird” to describe me. But I was normal to her. I wish we could grow old together watch the beauty of the crimson sun over clear waters……..

Love you, miss you forever.

PAMELA ANDERSON: Life in the city sounds enticing to a lot of people. The glitz and the glamour is all they see. They don't know the void that we have in our daily lives which we are trying to fill with luxury cars, fancy handsets and designer clothes. We need to put faces to these problems. Lot of people recognize these as problems when it’s too late. When a software engineer bludgeons his wife to death and hangs himself to the ceiling fan people say that he couldn't handle the pressure. Does anyone ask why??? We are so caught up in over achieving things we take out an umbrella to protect ourselves from the spring showers and the pleasant sun of the winter. Why?? Because we don't want to get sick so that we can make millions for the corporation we are working for. Slavery is dead but slaves are galore.

There is a distinct difference between the people in the city and the people outside. It’s like the people in the city have their resume of sins pasted across their miserable faces. Judging each other as they try to look deep into each others souls, putting their sins on a balance just to see who’s victorious. The look in their eye often suggests "watch your step else I’m going to slit your throat open in broad daylight and enjoy every drop that trickles out". People want to make a buck out of every opportunity that comes towards them. Humanity is a forgotten notion. Maybe its time to re term it as something else more appropriate. I have a brilliant idea. We need to put up banners saying "humanity dead???" Just to see how many of us even bother to react to it.

We, Indians were one of the first civilizations in the world. We were one of the first civilized people to roam this planet so to speak, it’s ironic where we are now. we have the same demons of war and plague but the difference being everything seems to be on steroids or in celebrity terms (coz unless there is a celebrity's name attached to an article no one even bothers looking at it) as enhanced as Pamela Anderson’s breasts. Where did we go wrong??? The communists blame democracy and vice versa. Why do we have this tendency to blame others ever so conveniently? Right form the way God made us to our financial condition to our looks, intelligence, family, friends, girlfriend, spouse, and children. The answer, leave everything. Abandon to achieve complete freedom. Its not so easy as you might think, you should have balls of steel. I would like to suggest a small exercise to start off. Try not speaking to anyone for a year you would understand how hard it is. I have done that, for me it felt natural, but when I finally decided to be normal again (in society’s term), I just couldn't speak fluently. It was like my mind knows what I want to say but when it comes out it didn't make any sense. This made my self esteem low. I started questioning my choices and my reasoning, but me shutting myself off from the world opened up so many things in my own heart which I didn't know about myself, that it made me believe. What I knew in the deepest depths of my heart about me were all true. I was free, I was complex, some may term it as insanity but do you think I really care? Hell no.

"EMBRACE THE TRUTH"

SOCIETY: My friends and I are different. We are not like everyone else around us. This doesn’t mean that we are special rather it makes us confused and people around us sometimes scared.

People seem to be afraid of what they don’t understand. When we speak to them they think its gibberish. They cannot seem to be able to think outside the norms of the society. The society, the self obsessed, over achieving, celebrity life style obsessed society.

People cannot wrap their minds around the fact that a guy can lead a normal life without the constraints of a relationship. When I had a girl it felt like I was hanging, the noose started to tighten around my neck, I couldn’t breathe. I realized tough it was not her fault. I just needed a lot of time to understand and separate the arguments in my head.

That is when I realized I’m incapable of being in a relationship. I need solitude to keep my sanity. At times I think I’m a little too beyond repair.

Society can go to hell. As Serj Tankian (System of a Down – Vocals) said “Civilization is a failure, we need to try something else.” Maybe instead of doing stupid research such as, whether pandas can reproduce after watching porn. We need to start an experimental anarchist state and see how it might work. But I think if there is a nuclear holocaust we might end up with an anarchist state like it or not.

I would like to see a franchise coffee shop right after a nuclear holocaust and see how many patrons would desire to socialize.

War has always been a vital part of the human race. When we were not equipped with Kalashnikov’s and RPG’s, we waged war against the beasts with sticks and stones. It’s our way of reminding everyone that we are animals as well. It’s a brutal variation of Darwin’s survival of the fittest. We are just procrastinating the inevitable. We can all feel it building up like a volcano about to soak us with its beautiful horror.

Now is the time to prepare, preparation doesn’t mean you buy all the detergent available at the local supermarket and start making pipe bombs in your backyard. Preparation is when you understand all the luxuries might end in a blink of an eye and you most probably would end up scouring for the basic necessities.

Condition yourself for the worst. If you thought I was speaking about war, think again. This can also be an analogy for life.

CLOSER TO HEAVEN: They say a lunatic and a child are the only two people who are at peace. Their minds are fresh and fertile for thoughts to grow without any ego or any boundaries. I’m not a child anymore, my only hope is insanity the sooner I get there better for me and the people around me because I don’t know when I’m going to snap and bludgeon each one of their heads with a sledge hammer and feed them unworthy, egoistical brains to dogs. I need the cover of insanity that is ma destiny. I so want to leave everything behind and soar into my imagination. Leave the world behind; be in a world where humans are forbidden only you and the nature. Play with the clouds and swim in the vast ocean. A healthy me who can swim now that’s a dream. The only solution till then is hibernating.

Bears are smart species they should have been ruling the planet right now if only they had opposable thumb, I’m pretty sure if they did they would have started colonies in other planets by now. So to avoid humans just hibernate, sleep and be lost in your dreams where the most beautiful ones you can weave is only limited by your imagination and understanding of beauty and pleasure. The guy who said seven hours of sleep is what a human needs was most probably an over achieving creatively deprived freak who ended up solving the puzzles of life using integration in his grave. I can’t be any other person I am right now, I have come a long way in this so called sane world who people who have money are offered more money and the poor are squeezed until they bleed through their eyes. I would rather be insane and not be affected by all these. I hope I need a straight jacket by my next birthday. Don’t take this as a cry for help, because it isn’t this is just me chasing ma dream of losing it!!!!

IDEOLOGIES: Have you seen people go down in flames because of their ideologies. I have, lot of them. They make assumptions arrived upon by a single instance in their life when they felt something never experienced before and said to themselves this is what I will do for the rest of my life, these are my ideologies and I will stick to them no matter what. But life is as unpredictable as the mood of a woman. You might think something is wrong in a certain circumstance but it might be right or sometimes the only solution in another.

For instance killing someone is considered as a gruesome act or a sin in almost all the cultures damning those whose who commit this heinous act to the depths of hell for all eternity, but killing is considered noble in warfare. The one who rips the heads off his enemies rather the enemies of his beloved motherland is considered a hero and showered with praises and guaranteed a place at the feet of the almighty himself. Isn’t this hypocrisy???

Ideologies are like this. Many don’t understand them entirely and end up slitting their own throats unknowingly in the process. Only when they are bleeding from their fatal wound do they understand that the situation didn’t call upon their ideology rather their common sense.

People change, change is the only constant thing in the universe. Every waking moment you are a different person. Every experience you have makes you look at the world differently. Perceptions change. Depth of understanding increases. I may contradict myself over and over again. I may read something that I wrote two months ago and wonder how I could have written that or I may even contradict myself the very next line you are about to read. Internal arguments galore, inevitable turmoil of the soul. So how can I have ideologies when I don’t know myself or see myself as the reference point to the ever so confusing world around me??? Do I want to know the world around me??? Or do I just want to know myself. What about ideologies, what good are they???

I have a strong moral compass can I use the same as my ideology??? If as I said ideologies should change over a period of time should morality change as well????

STUPIDITY:Some people are just fucking crazy, they have no clue about what they are and are just chasing down someone else’s dream since that dude painted a pretty picture in front of his creatively deprived mother fuckin eyes. Now all of them around him are fuckin goin crazy because this dude has no clue what his dream is and since he has a pea sized brain matter with fungus infected grey cells by the time his friend told him his dream he was half asleep and half bored. So now he has this lil distorted image of his dream in that vaccum filled skull of his, which he is cramming down every innocent bystander’s throats, they can’t swallow it nor can they spit it on his fucking face.

This is not the only problem these kinda people have a very short attention span. They have this very narrow vision of things too. They don’t try and understand people just jump into conclusions, like a guy is gay or someone is a slut. Man stop doin that you have no clue how many people are gunning for you in their minds. If only imagination was real you would die the most horrible death over and over again.

That’s why I say human stupidity never ceases to amaze me it would surpass human intelligence by miles. I say this because a scientist may attempt something say for a million times. A stupid guy on the other hand will make the same fucking mistake all his life and take pride in it.

ENVY:Its such a bad thing. I used to get really jealous when i see happy people. Now i jus don't coz i know wat i am and how strong i am i also know tat another person cannot be me. i love tat i'm completely fucked up, so much so tat i can at any point of time jus lose it n go on a killin spree. This makes me happy coz tat way i'll have a final blow out. I surely have da cojones 4 tat. Well da only people tat i really get jealous of are da celebrities so i'm kinda self in tat respect. My jealously emotion unlike ma psychotic emotion is completey under ma control.
Now the interesting bit, i've seen a lotta ppl completely jealous of others and tearin their hair off to bring the other person down who they are jealous. I mean how can u think abt a normal person like tat who u see every day. Extremely wierd in ma book. Moral of the small unintersting rather meaning less blabber that u jus read is, stop bein someone else, stop pretending, stop conspiring and get over it!!!!

CRAZY: well da definition of tis word is so fuckin crazy in itself. its an irony. if i go
on a killin spree, takin out all da dirt off the society ur crazy. in our society someone
who sits in da lap of luxury and preaches to a million ppl is a saint. while his little
helpers collect money frm da hard workin ppl of our country by showin them a perpetual shortcut 2 nirvana, tat fuckin bastard of a saint will be suckin on da juicy neck of a 15 yr old naive grl who is also on da search of nirvana. shit. tis is wat it has come down 2. fake gods r even rulin da radio waves televised in every goddamn language. no subliminal msgs here like some believe jus a lotta gibberish 2 confuse da ppl jus enuf 2 open up accounts in the Caribbean. wen r we gonna wake up and realise wat we have become. we r chasin thins tat don exist we fill our minds wit alternate realities where we have have our own right and wrong. da best part is 4 everythin we depend on da media these days if some reporter says cricketers r paid a lot we need 2 restrict it we automatically agree. baseless debates galore. we r addicted 2 caffine is it jus da notion tat drinkin an expensive coffee in a franchise coffee shop makes us happy. it doesn't make me happy, i tried it pisses da shit outta me. well maybe i'm crazy. everythin needs 2 change but how???
soon ppl wit minds like me (i donno whether tey exist) r gonna wake up and decide wats
enuf is enuf and take our society our country frm da hands of da crappy irresponsible media
who nowadays r tellin us wat 2 eat, wat 2 wear and who is sexy. maybe it'll take a few yrs
but trust me its happen like minded ppl r gonna come 2gether and there is gonna be a revolution 4 da better. maybe ten everyone of us can be completely crazy. a crazy world sounds good 2 me!!!

CAN PALMS BE READ- somethin really wierd happened 2 me da other day. a lady said she wud read ma palm and do it 4 free. since it was free and i had time i volunteered. i'm a strong believer in da fact tat, once u know ur future u have no future. anyways she got it spot on she asked me if i experience any halucinations frm time 2 time. i cudn't believe wat i was hearin coz no one has eva asked me tat ppl usually thnk i'm sane. i was like wats goin on is it was real??? ma sis was sittin nxt 2 me so i knew tis had 2 be real. tis is somethin tat is true abt me so hesitantly i agreed. halucinations r beautiful. even if u lock me up in a completely dark room 4 days il survive coz i a gotta brain tats crazy i can event ma own world witout ma knowledge and actually enjoy tem. i remember many funny incidents tat happened 2 me wen i was a kid. i was left alone most part of da day wen i was a kid. i didn't have any friends 2 play around wit so i used 2 be in ma own world and we lived in da first floor we had a huge terrace and we had stairs tat went up. one day i was playin alone in ma so called world and i donno wat i was doin i fell frm da stairs and woke up after a few minutes ten i knew in ma world i din't have those stairs and i fell. tat was freaky but i cudn't fuckin control ma mind, for tat matter even now i can't. ten another incident happened agin wen i was abt 8 or 9. i was sittin on ma stairs thnkin abt somethin i see tis guy comin 2wards me he looked wierd he was thin and had a long bushy beard he approached me and gave me a toy da ones filled wit water in em tat u get in fairs now i dono whether tis guy is 4 real i kept starin at him thnkin how da fuck is tis happenin ten ma mom came out and explained he was an uncle tat i had never met b4. i tel u i was fuckin freaked out i thought i lost ma mind tat day. but it rocks 2 have a kickass brain which can do wateva it wants but da flip side is i need a lotta sleep compared 2 others coz every wakin moment i'm thnkin abt a million things in ma mind.

CLARITY: its a beautiful thin i'm not talkin abt clarity as in wen u can see somethin clearly. i'm talkin abt clarity of the mind wen there is jus one thought in ur mind and evrythin slows down. no i aient talkin abt matrix either. wen u have felt tis u'll know wat i'm talkin abt. its very hard 2 explain, u realise everythin is fake in tis life. tat moment tat fraction of a moment is jus blissful. wen it happened da only thin tat was ruinin tat moment was i cud hear ma pillon sayin "Giri no matter wat happens don apply da breaks it doesn't matter even if u ram into a truck. CLARITY.......

The way they screwed up cricket:its a crazy game and we r all addicted. i remember da good old days wen i used 2 watch cricket on espn and learnt da game frm da masters, it helped me so much tat i was selected 4 da col team. bac ten da presenters did not care who da player was gave their most honest fuckin opinions on da face and we cud even see da gods of cricket makin mistakes and bein pointed out ruthlessly. those were da days of geoffery boycott, sunil gavaskar and harsha bogle. then these fuckin bastards sold da fuckin rite some numb skulled jerk offs at set max. now these guys ruined da entire experience by havin a 2 hr pre show called "extraa fucked up hr" (as u can see extra is spelt wit double a, yeah u bastard i know ma spellin sucks 2!!). da most insultin part was tat fuckin inbred bitch "mandira bedi" hostin da show. i can't stand her. as ma frnd says she is da best contraceptive.u look at once ur so called erection jus walks outta da window. she doesn't know any goddam shit abt cricket. she i've heard her ask questions like if in 10 overs u can score 90 runs why can't u score 450 runs??? coz bitch u take 2 dicks in ur ass 4 2hrs it doesn't mean u can do it 4 10 hrs straight on the other hand may be u can. u definetly can. now lets talk abt da others, charu sharma licks every guests ass shamelessly on national television. kris srikanth thinks he understands cricket i dono how he even was a cricketer. mohinder amarnath is da official bard ala cacofonix. ten da guests da goddamn fuckin guests. tis bitch farah khan was da guest. i know wat is she doin in a cricket preshow i dono. i thnk its a conspiracy frm ppl who hate me 2 get me 2 kill myself. she was asked who her favorite cricketer was b4 some indian match and she said, "sachin, but has he retired already, coz i dono!!!!". fuck u goddam edit tat part out plz stop torturin us. da way tey show da score card is also screwed up if u r in a hurry u never know wat over is goin on coz tey never show it as if tey r some hot models boobs and da less u reviel da better. wat bullshit!!! now lets talk abt da indian team. on paper we had a very good team but i can understand these things happen. i'm disappointed but i do have faith in ma screwed up team tey are gonna bounce bac. da only relief was pakistan beaten by ireland, made ma day. lets come 2 da worst part now anybody remember "ooh aah india". da guy who made tat ad should be cloned and killed every single day til da nxt world............we'll win!!!!!

WARNING:"If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this is useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all who claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think everything you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told you should want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned"

ps:not ma original but love it.

AGE: i used 2 never understand tis. ppl always told me
2 respect a person's age. i used 2 ask tem wat da fuck for.
why shud a respect a person who has lived for abot 90 yrs
rather survived 4 90 yrs who is dumb as a dodo. i have met
so called elders who make one fucked up decision after da
other, if u sit down speak 2 tem and tell em tat wat tey are
doin is wrong either tey make fun of u or ignore u sayin, "u r
2 young 2 understand". no matter wat u do. u paint a picture
and explain it 2 tem like u will 2 a 2 yr old kid still nothin.
after tey have fucked it up completely tey have tis lame ass
explanation, sayin i understand tat it was a mistake il never
repeat it again. we have 2 learn frm our mistakes. i say tat is
just plain fucked up. if u r gonna learn everythin frm ur own
mistake imagine how many mistakes u have 2 make in ur life
time 2 learn everythin. i say learn frm other ppls mistakes
tats da best way. now comin bac 2 da topic. i understand
now why we shud respect age coz tey have gone so far in
their lives not killin themselves tats a huge achievement. i
donno whether il earn tat respect.......

OVER: gettin over certain ppl is easy, gettin over others is fuckin difficult. especially wen tat person meant a lot 2 u n wen u were completely committed to her. many say "move on dude, it wasn't meant 2 be", others say " dude, i knew it frm da begginin it wasn't gonna work u r frm
2 different worlds",others just say" i never believed it anyways". there u go, these r not da things u wanna hear believe me. first remark is damn simple yet very hard to execute. second one is true but again it kinda pisses me off. the third one well ma friends wat da hell else do u expect frm them. lets come bac to da buisness of movin on. well i no longer watch anythin on
television- no romantic songs, no funny serials(somehow all of em include love and shit), no movies involvin even da slightest bit of the L word. i just stick 2 a lotta cricket (thank heavens its always on), ten a lotta history cahnnel, discovery and nat geo. thanx 2 dis i now know who
ernesto che guevara was. also who fujimoro was and wat he did 2 peru. believe me it makes sense. i still have ma bike tats a big relief. wen all tis shit was happennin i took off frm home. all nighter with ma friends we jus rode till 2 am. well ma friend was ridin. we even got booked by da cops but was worth it. i felt really gud wen ma friend tis totally fucked up individual called varun told me mine was da second best bike he had ridden after a kawasaki ninja. now tats huge. ninja is a 998cc 162 bhp bike. felt good actually great. we also beat a fuckin 180cc avenger guy with ma measly 135cc bike with a pillon on. i feel bad for such guys actually u know wat i thnk tey
deserve it, morons. but everyday can't be like tis coz everythin else reminds me of her tats fucked up really. wenever ma phone rings i wish its her. to sum it up da way i feel is like tis--

Like Suicide
Heard it from another room
Eyes were waking up just to fall asleep
Love's like suicide
Dazed out in a garden bed
With a broken neck lays my broken gift
Just like suicide

And my last ditch
Was my last brick
Lent to finish her
Finish her

Bit down on the bullet now
I had a taste so sour
I had to think of something sweet
Love's like suicide
Safe outside my gilded cage
With an ounce of pain
I wield a ton of rage
Just like suicide

With eyes of blood
And bitter blue
How I feel for you
I feel for you

She lived like a murder
How she'd fly so sweetly
She lived like a murder
But she died
Just like suicide

chris cornell is god helps me through
everythin, be it thru soundgarden or
audioslave. he jus rocks!!!!

THINGS 2 DO: things 2 do wen u pissed or depressed abt somethin but can't do shit abt it

# well tis one is obvious if u can get ur hands on some dope. tats it. smoke it up. a slight word of caution though, there a 2 kinds of people- the ones tat cry after smokin or the ones tat laugh hysterically once u r high. if u r one of those guys who cries, tis is not da proper time

# take a long shower- tis really helps believe me. maybe tats y tey show it all da movies. for me it has 2 be hot shower coz cold ones make me feel more pathetic.

# talk 2 a clown- tis is real fun, i can't call ma friend a clown but harry sure knows how 2 change ma mood. he speaks abt all kinds a crap and i always feel better.

# nirvana- man o man does tis rock or wat. its like wen u r listenin 2 kurt especially unplugged u automatically feels better n ten u always dream of doin wat he did so elegently took flight at his peak wanna do tat shud reach da summit soon. c it feels better already.

# paint- tis is kinda wierd coz u can't draw or paint wen u r depressed but u can sure paint ur room or atleast windows. get some paint especially black n paint it all, trust me it feels better.

# talk 2 varun- tats dempsy GOD 4 all u ppl. he is a crazy guy who always has a practical head on his shoulder. he is smart n wen u talk 2 him u kinda feel tat u r smart 2. he can always fix ur head.

# RIDE (ya baby)- ma favorite. i aien't talkin abt takin a long ride like some morons do, u do tat wen u r really happy n wanna experience da joy of ridin. wat i meant here was, well lemme tell u wat i do. i got a 2 stroke beauty(more like a sexy beast). remove ma regular filter fix da high performance one chose a busy yet neat road. RIP RIP RIP. u shud be hittin least 100 in busy traffic piss off ppl but fly. believe me u won't have a chance 2 thnk of anythin else n wen u stop da bike if ur legs r tremblin tats a good sign. wow love ridin. u won't thnk of anythin else 4 atleast a couple of hours. love ma bike......

REALITY: have u ever met someone so special for whom u r ready 2 redo everythin u did wrong. i have, it feels good 2 find someone who walks into ur life and britens it up wit a smile .it fills ur life wit purpose, a reason 2 live. il tel u wat i did. i met my past again i met da guy who stabbed me into heart frm da back. i didn't kill him, i didn't slap him. i didn't know wat 2 do,
then i thought abt her n my anger melted as if it was insignificant. i went ahead and spoke wit him. he was sweatin, i acted as if nothin happened. it felt wierd, it felt as if i lost somethin every close 2 my heart. did i lose myself in tat moment? i don't know. jus her name was enuf i thought. ma friend was right there wit me, he looked at me as if it was my funeral he didn't expect me 2 do tat. i come home ten tat person who u care 4 more than anythin wants 2 leave u. is tis 4 real? why is tis happenin? there is one thing though wen i go thru shit in ma life lotta good things happen to people around me. its like i attract misery. maybe its a good thing coz these ppl r very close 2 ma heart. tey say tat "its better to love n lose than never to have loved". i don't believe in tis. tis quote is 4 pussys who had no sense of problems in their life 4 someone like me its bullshit. its like if u know there is no light 4 won't crave 4 it but if someone shows u its there jus 2 tease u n take it away it hurts more.i really appreciate one of my friends who doesn't wanna have anythin 2 do wit love he is smart n he is right, if u get someone u love its da greatest thing ever its like heaven but 99% of da times it doesn't work n it hurts like nothin u ever felt in ur life. one thing real is pain n i embrace it.......ma minds sayin "welcome back loner"

NICE GUY: i realized somethin recently. it is da fact tat i am a real nice guy. it sucks bein one coz no matter how hard i try not 2 be its like its hard wired in ma system. da problem wit bein a nice guy is tat u bleed wen people ask u 2 but at da end of da day u got no one at ur side wen u r all bled out. its like a piece of sugarcane. everone wants 2 jus squeeze so fuckin hard tat u start bleedin from ur eyes. tey won't leave an ounce of blood tey want it all but drop the rest 4 da maggets 2 relish on. nobody seems 2 even notice coz tey say its normal. some people jus take it 2 da nxt level. in one way da people who leave u 2 die after u have bled out ur soul r much better than da people who skin u out show u dreams so beautiful u thnk u r in heaven ten out of no where u feel da searin pain in ur back n u see a blade stickin out of ur chest after tat tey wil decapitate u n take ur head as a trophy. after all tis tey say hope i didn't hurt u. wat shud i thnk wit da pea sized brain i got. shud i stop bein a good guy, i can't coz i wanna be true 2 myself. shud i stop meetin new ppl now tats a solution. 2 thnk abt it y do i need new ppl i got enuf ppl around. i got responsibilies hangin over my head like a million razor edged swords. the most important thing is i stopped livin 4 myself a long time ago. y shud i start livin 4 myself now. its not rite. it was like i was born dead. i always wanted 2 die so wen i am dead inside y shud i thnk of livin now? its a bad idea real bad.